When Conflict Strikes, Do Something Different

Author: Ben Jackson   |  Tags:

When Conflict Strikes, Do Something Different | It's important we recognise our role in a conflict and our part in contributing to the problem | Ben Jackson | @benjacksoncoach

It’s important we recognise our role in a conflict and our part in contributing to the problem.

Parents can often feel that when communication breaks down, either with their child or partner, the problem lies mainly with the other person. But to get beyond this stress and frustration, we need to acknowledge that we have a responsibility in this conflict and it’s not ‘all the other person’. We bring emotions, perceptions and ideas which then can create different outcomes in the other person.

Feeling Blamed for the Conflict

Perhaps this resonates with you: you’re having difficulties with you child and your partner, or relative or friend, gets involved and the child does exactly what you were asking them to do. Only to hear them say, ‘Well, he’s fine with me’.

It isn’t the instructions are any different and the outcome hasn’t changed particularly, but the relationship that you have with your child in this example is different from your partner’s. To then say the child needs to do something different or change their attitude is certainly part of the solution but what I think is also worth bearing in mind, is that we need to reflect on our own attitude, on our own behaviour. What have we contributed to it? What have we done to bring about this reaction? Maybe more importantly, how else could we approach this conversation? What else could we do differently?

Time to Change

This can be as simple as changing how you stand. You could kneel down rather than stand up. Or you ask in a funny voice rather than your normal voice. Changing how you approach a situation will give you a different response in some form.

Maybe change the language, perhaps if you’ve been using words like can’t or don’t or won’t or shan’ts, find a positive form of that same request.

Say it with a different tone, a different posture. Or at a different time when a child is doing something else. Or write it down. Find alternative ways that you can behave and I feel that you’ll have a different response in your child and ideally one that will be more useful for you. One that doesn’t rely on someone else – a friend, a partner, a relative – to achieve your outcome.

Conflict Resolution: Do Something Different

It’s about saying to ourselves, “OK – there is a problem here, it’s not all one sided. Is something I need to change? Something I need to adapt about myself? What could that be?” and see what you come up with.

So when you are approaching a conflict like this, consider what you might do differently.

Thanks for reading

If you enjoyed this article, hit the like button below. Would mean a lot to me and it helps other people see the article.

Say Hello on

Twitter | Instagram | FacebookLinkedIn

About the Author

Ben Jackson is a registered counsellor, coach, and lecturer with nearly 10 years of professional experience. He helps clients with stress and anxiety, anger management, self esteem, confidence, and depression.

Why not book a free call for an informal chat

If you would like to schedule a free intro call then please click the button below – I recommend having a brief initial call to make sure you feel you can work with me as well as discuss fees and arranging your first session.

Book a free introductory call

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.